BREAKING THE PATTERN!
During a recent time of deep reflection, I found myself revisiting memories from my childhood. The emotional absence of my father loomed in these flashbacks, bringing with it moments of sadness. But rather than placing blame on my dad, I turned inward, questioning whether I had unknowingly repeated some of the same patterns with my daughters. Had I, in any way, mirrored my father's emotional absence in their lives? While I knew it wasn't the same, I couldn't help but focus on my perceived shortcomings and wonder how my actions—or inactions—might have impacted them. The weight of these thoughts lingered as I went to bed that night with sadness.
The following day, I shared my reflections with my wife during one of our cherished walks—times that often serve as therapeutic moments for me, thanks to her ability to listen and offer perspective. As I confided in her, she reminded me of the countless times I was present for our daughters and how I had worked hard to give them a different experience from the one I had growing up. She assured me that I had broken the generational cycle, providing our daughters with a foundation of emotional support different from my upbringing. We then acknowledged our daughters' strength and resilience, reflecting on how proud we are of the people they have become.
As we continued to chat, my wife highlighted our oldest daughter, Bella, who is currently navigating the post-university phase of her life with remarkable courage. In her personal and professional journeys, Bella faces new challenges head-on, demonstrating the same resilience that has defined her life thus far.
As we walked, I couldn't help but reflect on the countless instances where Bella's courage shone through. Time and again, she has faced obstacles that could have easily held her back, yet she has always found a way to rise above them. Whether overcoming the daunting challenges of her youth, standing up against injustice, or forging a new path in unfamiliar territory, Bella has consistently shown unwavering strength and determination.
Bella has always had to fight for everything she's achieved, displaying remarkable courage throughout her life. I thought of the time when, at just 11 years old, she made the Olympic Development Team for volleyball and was awarded the opportunity to attend camp in Colorado. Due to our financial situation, we couldn't accompany her, and Bella bravely chose to go alone. It was a daunting experience—being far from home at such a young age and facing unfamiliar circumstances and experiences without the immediate support of her parents—and she did it all with courage. Though we weren't physically there, we were with her every step of the way emotionally. We made sure to talk to her every single day, often multiple times, offering our support and encouragement. We championed her accomplishments during training sessions and games and lifted her whenever fear or uncertainty crept in. Our constant communication helped her feel our presence, and despite the distance, she knew we were there, cheering her on and believing in her.
As she continued with volleyball, Bella made it to the university level, only to face one of the most challenging periods of her life. She endured years of mental and physical abuse from a coach who made her life and that of her teammates unbearable. Despite our pleas for her to quit, Bella chose to stay and fight—not just for herself but for her teammates. She filed a Title IX complaint against the coach and navigated a long, complicated investigation process. In the end, the coach was found guilty of abuse, and Bella's courage helped to protect future athletes from the same fate. The emotional foundation we built together as a family helped Bella trust in her inner strength, empowering her to stand up for what was right, even when the odds were against her. I wholeheartedly believe that our connection helped her become the fearless advocate and strong woman she is today.
Reflecting on our daughters' journeys, my wife helped me realize that the generational cycle of being an emotionally unavailable parent had been broken. Though I am far from perfect and have made my share of mistakes as a father, my wife and I—working together as a team—have been able to show our daughters how much we care for them. We have played a role in shaping the values they now embody as young adults, demonstrating that we can choose a different path from the one we inherited. No matter what our past holds, we have the power to choose our future. We don't have to be victims of our upbringing or repeat the patterns we experienced as children.
JC
Husband | Father | Founder at myTOD