My Story
I'm not sure what my exact age was, but to my best recollection, I was about 12 years old when my mom sat me down and expressed that "I was born to be a great leader." She then shared that, like most great leaders, I would face adversity, but that was how leaders were built- through adversity. Finally, she concluded with a statement that would stay with me for years. She said, "Do not show your weakness to anyone nor be a complainer, as people do not like to be around others who complain, and leaders do not show their weakness." I embraced this concept, and why not? It made total sense in my young mind. Just a couple of years after this conversation, my life took an unexpected turn, and I found myself as an immigrant in the US with an uncertain future ahead. The amount of adversity I faced during my initial years as an immigrant was many, but I knew they were building blocks building the leader within me.
I put on my mask as soon as leadership opportunities came around. My most vivid memories of wearing a mask began during my college years. These years presented some of the biggest challenges faced, from struggling with the language barrier while enrolled in a Pre-Med path to being exposed to foreign experiences, including being part of the Greek System. Most days, the fear of failure captured me, the possibility of losing my scholarship haunted me, not having finances like the rest of my friends was a struggle, and desperately wanting to be seen as a leader were thoughts that occupied my mind most of the time. Although these were some of the best years of my life, I also faced many trials and challenges- yet no one around me was aware of any suffering in my life. No one knew how alone I felt and how scared I was. To those around me, I had a great life and was on top of my game. I could not find myself sharing my struggles with anyone, even those I called my best friends. One of the saddest moments came when one of my closest friends called me out and told me I was living a fake life, pretending to be someone I was not, and that I preached a great game about being vulnerable and transparent with one another when I was not. I lost that friendship.
I wore my "strong leader" mask as I entered the corporate world. I could not let others know of my internal struggles, fears, and pain. Wearing the mask temporarily worked great for me; I progressed quickly in different organizations and led many teams. My peers and direct reports respected me and admired my accomplishments. From the beginning of my professional career, I was introduced to the concepts of emotional intelligence within leadership. I studied this subject and became quite good at teaching it. Although teaching, I was not personally applying concepts such as vulnerability, trusting others, and showing my authentic self. I was terrified to show vulnerability and admit that I might not have my life together. I starved for affirmation and acceptance, and in my mind, being vulnerable and authentic would lead to criticism, disappointment, and, in a way, abandonment. Wearing the mask became such a difficult task to maintain. I will never forget during the beginning of COVID-19 when I looked at myself in the mirror one night and did not recognize the man I was looking at. I felt like an impostor and did not feel a connection with those I was leading.
Thankfully, things have changed! Through the power of human connection and acceptance, trust, and faith, I began to live a more authentic life. I learned how to be more vulnerable, share my life more sincerely, build stronger relationships, and not try to control the future. I have begun to live more often with the mask off.