Let’s Run the LA Marathon.
In 2020, I had what I consider a divine appointment; I met an incredible individual who, over time, would become my friend, business partner, and someone I now consider my brother. This meeting occurred during one of my life's most challenging and isolating periods. I was going through a transitional stage in my life, personally and professionally. On the personal side, my wife and I were becoming empty nesters, which we were looking forward to; however, due to the circumstances I was experiencing at work, I messed up the ranking in my priorities. The challenges I faced as a leader during this specific time, the intense fear of failure that grasped me as I navigated through unknown circumstances due to COVID, and the lack of alignment with my organization's direction drove me to work an enormous amount of hours, often taking for granted my relationship with my wife, children, friends and family. My health was also not my priority- I stopped exercising and gained significant weight over time. My energy level was at the lowest that I can remember, and I was constantly struggling with cycles of depression. Thankfully, my wife has always been my rock and demonstrated unconditional love for me and commitment to our marriage. She was my strongest supporter and ally as I needed to step up and make life-changing decisions.
I had no idea that meeting my new friend would eventually change the trajectory of my life. There was a powerful sense of connection and ease from the moment we met. Our first conversation had an easy flow, and we discussed a wide range of topics, from family to sports, and, of course, we shared about our professional journeys. I am unsure if he mentioned the idea of running the L.A. Marathon during our first or second meeting; however, I remember not thinking much about it and just agreeing to run with him. After all, I have had so many conversations when, as new acquaintances, one suggests meeting up again or doing something together, which often does not happen. I received the biggest surprise (not a good one) when I got an email forwarded from him with my registration for the L.A. Marathon. I can't describe the immense sense of fear and disbelief I had. What was I to do? Up to this point, it had been months since I hit the gym, and at the time, I could not even run a couple of blocks without stopping. What the heck had I gotten myself into? The following communication I received from him hit me equally hard when my new friend asked me to begin training with him.
To many folks, this might not be a big deal or perhaps viewed as a fun challenge; however, deep inside for me, this was a bit of a terrifying situation. As I shared in my story, I was raised not to show weakness or be vulnerable with others. In the past, I've often avoided any situation out of my comfort zone where I would be vulnerable in front of others. I could not allow others to see me struggle or fail at something, primarily because I overvalued their opinion of me. People's perception of me meant a great deal to me, and I often sought affirmation as a source of validation and approval- so how can I show my weaknesses? I've missed out on many experiences and opportunities due simply to the fear of showing vulnerability and the heavy weight I placed on how people perceived me. As much as I portrayed myself as a confident human being while wearing the mask, there were areas of insecurities that I was unwilling to share with others, preventing me from enjoying a more fulfilled life and allowing others to know me deeper. So I wondered what to do now. He has purchased a ticket for us. How do I handle this?
I took the first step towards vulnerability and confessed to him that I was out of shape and had not run for ages (and most importantly- running was not my thing). I would be willing to train with him, but I wanted to give him the heads up and the opportunity to train separately. Maybe we could come back and train together after a couple of months of individual training. My friend did not hesitate for a second. He immediately said, "Do not worry! I will help you!" So we started training between 5:30 and 6:00 am every weekday. I wish I could report that I picked up running quickly and became a fan, but The most I got to run during our training sessions was five miles. Sometimes, I even prayed for rain so we would not have to run. On the other hand, I enjoyed so many positive experiences and life-changing lessons. I will never forget how my friend showed me unconditional support and encouragement every time we practiced. He would look back during our runs (he was always leading, of course) and shout out phrases of encouragement. He celebrated every small milestone and consistently affirmed me for my effort. Also, even though we would only run about 3 miles daily, my body started getting much better physically, and my mental health felt stronger. We laughed a lot during each training session, bringing joy back into my life.
From this experience, I realized that it was okay to show my weaknesses, to become vulnerable and ask for help, to laugh at myself, and to admit that I had nothing to worry about regarding others' perceptions. In a way, I often imagined that others would judge me, but in reality, it was my self-perception that was negative. Had I let my fears stop me from training with my friend for the L.A. Marathon, I would not have enjoyed the many memories we created and experienced the beautiful gift of our friendship and brotherhood, nor would I have strengthened my desire to live a more authentic life. I am convinced there is incredible freedom when one begins to live a more authentic life, and I do not have to continue to miss many other wonderful opportunities in my life.
JC
P.S. Thankfully, the L.A. Marathon was canceled that year 😊- but I walked away blessed by this opportunity. I am even now enjoying running in small doses.