Trust The Intent
From the beginning of my leadership trajectory, I understood the power and importance behind "Trust" as the lifeblood of our capacity to lead others. After all, Trust flows through every aspect of our personal and professional lives and shapes our relationships, beliefs, and interactions. Trust is a powerful phenomenon discussed consistently throughout leadership books and workshops. For example, how many of us have not read The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey? If you are like me, you would consider this book a masterpiece and must read. I became a devoted student to understanding Trust's significance in leading a team, building strong customer partnerships, and mentoring young future leaders. There was only one problem: how I dealt with Trust at my core was very different. I often lived in a state of distrust.
Living in a consistent state of distrust was very costly for me, and even though it was not ideal, I had difficulty changing my perspective. So, I began digging deep and trying to understand why it was challenging for me to Trust. Although it was a painful process, I learned that understanding my past was vital in why I hesitated to Trust others. I re-examined the memories of how some of the most influential people in my life hurt me in ways that removed any feeling of safety as I experienced different types of abuse and betrayals. The foundation of Trust was removed at a critical time in my life. Unfortunately, I continued to experience situations that negatively fueled my feelings about Trust, crossing into my professional life.
Due to my lack of Trust, I often doubted people's intentions, especially toward me, and truthfully imagined their agenda to benefit them often and take advantage of me. As I proceeded with not trusting others, I often allowed negative thoughts to stick around in my mind longer than needed, constantly creating a version of a situation that was not real. As a result, I reacted to certain situations in an unhealthy manner when I confronted them, sometimes leaving me with a feeling of guilt and remorse when I eventually realized that I was wrong in the way I assumed someone's intentions (sorry, wifey!) Turning around this way of living in constant distrust was necessary for me. I got tired of living, often questioning people's intent and, most importantly, allowing the actions of those who had done me wrong in the past to control my future. I chose to begin to heal.
I spent a great deal of time in prayer, asking to understand why I lacked Trust towards others. Then, I proceeded to forgive those folks whose actions hurt me and accept what happened; after all, I could not change the past. I acknowledged that what happened was not on me and that they acted based on their hurts and insecurities. I understood how those negative experiences still had control over me and negatively impacted the way I lived my life, and it was time to cut the ties. I also realize that what happened to me can allow me to empathize with others who have experienced similar situations, enabling me to be there for others in their healing journey. Finally, I saw how I was surrounded by amazing people who always had the purest and most beautiful intentions regarding our interactions and relationships- the most important one, my wife. A woman who made me feel safe and loved since the moment I met her and has always loved me unconditionally.
Regarding my professional life, my sense of Trust strengthened when I met my current business partners. I will never forget when one of them introduced the phrase "Trust The Intent" to me. Truthfully, this concept scared me as I carried hurt and wounds from my previous experiences in trusting others in the workplace. Talk about timing! Here I was, learning to let go of the past and to trust, and my new partner was so passionate about this concept, believing that our intentions would always come from a positive space. I accepted the challenge and committed to letting go.
Letting go this time was not so difficult because my partners modeled a different way of collaboration and support than I was used to from the moment we came together. Their consistent demonstrations of high integrity in small and big circumstances began to build the foundation of a trusting partnership. Their generosity and constant show of love and support towards me and my family led to an immense gratitude for my part, which only enhanced my desire for reciprocity. Also, how we navigated through factors affecting our business together has positively impacted me. When we experienced highs, we celebrated by building beautiful moments with one another and our colleagues, allowing us to strengthen our relationships. When we faced difficulties, we did it together, never trying to find fault but focusing on a united way to deal with stumps more efficiently. From the start, we were vulnerable and transparent with each other, creating a very safe environment. Even on those very few occasions that our egos showed up, we dealt with them quickly, culminating in giving each other grace. Finally, our actions always reflected what was best for all of us and the organization versus what was best for one of us. I am truly blessed to have them as business partners and family.
I am happy to report that I have experienced significant growth in Trust, and I live now with a stronger sense of freedom from my past experiences.